Friday, July 2, 2010

Convo Between Dwight, CP3, World Wide Wes, and Charles Barkley

07/02/10

Dwight: “What up, CP?”

CP3: “Dude, I gotta get up outta here.”

Dwight: “You too?”

CP3: “What you mean me too?”

Dwight: “I just got a call from Melo. He’s sick of the cold-ass Colorado weather.”

CP3: “Damn, I’m sick of all these hurricanes.”

Dwight: “Told Melo to either just take that extension or demand a trade to Orlando. We’ll give ‘em Pietrus and Jameer. Ride it out with JJ Reddick and JWil until your contract’s up. Then you, me, Melo, Rashard, and VC all on one team. That’s sicker than the thought of ‘Bron, Bosh, n Wade.”

CP3: “Damn dude, I need to get traded.”

Dwight: “Just step up and demand it then, son!”

CP3: “That ain’t right though.”

Dwight: “You’re straight dawg. What have they given you? Peja, Posey and David West? That’s almost as bad as Kwame Brown. You gotta pull a Kobe here.”

CP3: “I guess. Just don’t wanna hurt my rep.”

Dwight: “Man, hold up. Lemme 3-way someone in.”

CP3: “Ni$%a who!?”

Dwight: “World Wide. He’ll tell you what to do…what up World Wide? What’s poppin?”

WWW: “Dwight, my man. I’m just chillin. Playin some XBox with AI right now.”

Dwight: “Shit! Ask The Answer if he wants to take CP3’s spot in New Orleans.”
WWW: “Allen, you wanna play next year? Make some cheddar?”

Allen Iverson: (In the background, rapping) “I’m still numba one, they kno I ain’t done. X Box, dress socks, I’ve only just begun.”

WWW: “Yeah, he’s in. So what’s the word with CP?”

Dwight: “He wants out of New Orleans.”

WWW: “Ayite. Where’s he tryin to go?”

Dwight: “CP, where you wanna go?”

CP3: “Anywhere dawg. Just get me outta here.”

Dwight: “Wes, he wants to play for Sacramento.”

CP3: “Yo man, what the fu#$? Wes, just ignore Dwight. What’s happenin’ with you?”

WWW: “Not much mayn. Just schoolin AI in PGA Golf Tour 2011.”

CP3: “Haha, nice.”

WWW: “So what’s the word, homie? Ya wanna go to Cleveland? Re-unite with Byron Scott and play with ‘Bron?”

CP3: “Man, that would be perfect…but wait, what was all this talk bout you sayin Bron, Bosh, n Wade are teamin up in Miami?”

WWW: “That fell through, yo.”

CP3: “What? Why?”

WWW: “Bosh is rollin outta control with his freakin tweets.”

CP3: “Haha.”

WWW: “He can’t keep shyt on the DL. Tickin me off.”

CP3: “You guys are boys though?”

WWW: “Me and Chris Bosh are not on speaking terms right now.”

CP3: “Ayite. Well then yeah, I’m game. Get me to Cleveland.”

WWW: “I’ll try to figure something out. I gotta make a call.”

(Hangs up. Back to Dwight and CP3.)

CP3: "Thanks for lookin out, Dwight!"

Dwight: “CP, you’ll be the best point guard in Cleveland history.”

CP3: “I already am. I wanna be the best point guard in NBA history.”


(Dwight and CP3 continue to chat. In the meantime…)

WWW: “Yo Chuck, what up?”

Chuck: “What’s up World Wide Wes. Just eatin some Taco Bell right now.”

WWW: “That’s nice. Listen. CP3 wants out of New Orleans.”

Chuck: “That ain’t news World Wide. I’ll give you news. You know these Lava nachos are overflowing with hot sauce.”

WWW: “He wants a trade to Cleveland.”

Chuck: “Whaat?” (Crunch crunch. Pauses 10 seconds to wipe his mouth.) “Whaat? That’s turrible!”

WWW: “It’s not terrible. It’s good for the NBA. Chuck, I need you to have your buddy from the Bellagio give me a call. The one whose homeboys with CP3’s agent.”

Chuck: “Which buddy?”

WWW: “The dude with the Jheri curl I met in that gray pinstripe suit. He had those Cubans we smoked together. Remember?”

Chuck: “Oh yeah, ayite, Wes. I’ll give him a call. Let me just kill this gordita.”

WWW: “Peace, later.”

Chuck: (Thinking to himself. CP3’s going to Cleveland? That means Lebron’s stayin in Cleveland. OH NO!!! I bet $400,000 that Lebron would go to the Clippers!)

(Back to Dwight and CP3…)

Dwight: “But you know if you go there, you gotta get ‘Bron’s chicken a$$ into the dunk contest.”

CP3: (Laughing out Loud.)

Dwight: “Throw him some lobs. See what he can do.”

CP3: “Everyone’s waitin’ for that match-up. Especially Larry Bird, he wants some more fries.”

Dwight: “Larry Bird owes me McDonald’s.”

CP3: “That commercial was bumpin…so you think World Wide can make this shyt happen?”

Dwight: “It’s World Wide. He runs the NBA like Snoop Dogg runs Girls Gone Wild.”

CP3: “Haha. Oh hold up. I’m getting a call from Chuck.”

Dwight: “Charles Shwab?”

CP3: “No, the other Chuck we know.”

Dwight: “Person?”

CP3: “No fool, the one you shoot commercials with…”

Dwight: “I am not on speaking terms with Charles Barkley right now.”

CP3: “Haha, what? Why?”

Dwight: “We were at the Rec last week. He bet me he would hit a trey before I did. He lost.”

CP3: “Hahah, nice. What was the bet?”

Dwight: “He owes me Taco Bell.”

CP3: (Laughing out Loud) "Everyone owes you food."

Dwight: “He refused to pay for my meal.”

CP3: “Haha, yo, lemme talk to him.” (Answers call waiting.) “Yo Chuck, what’s up?”

Charles Barkley: “CP, how you gonna go to Cleveland? That’s turrible!”

CP3: “It ain’t terrible, Chuck. I’mma win me a championship with ‘Bron.”

Charles Barkley: “You know I have money ridin’ on Bron goin to the Clippers, right?”

CP3: “Haha. Chuck, Baron Davis don’t got shit on me.”

Charles Barkley: “That’s turrible!”

CP3: “Yo Chuck, why you not payin up when you lose your bets?”

Charles Barkley: “What you mean? I do pay.”

CP3: “That’s not what Dwight says.”

Charles Barkley: “Oh that. He was taunting me after the shot. It was a lucky shot. You can’t taunt after winning a bet.”

CP3: (Laughing out Loud)

Charles Barkley: “That knucklehead. Is he mad?”

CP3: “Yeah, he’s upset. You should call him. He’s in your Fav 5 right?”

Charles Barkley: “My momma’s in my Fav 5. But she never picks up the phone. Momma, pick up the phone.”

CP3: “Haha. Who else is in your Fav 5, Chuck?”

Charles Barkley: “Craig Sager, Eddie Winslow, my taylor, and handicapper at the racetrack.”

CP3: “Haha, that is hilarious! Yo, you should definitely call Dwight. Squash this shyt.”

Charles Barkley: “I’ll think about it.”

CP3: “Haha, later.” (Hangs up. Back to line 1.) “Dwight, why you gotta taunt Chuck like that?”

Dwight: “Haha. That dipshyt. He’s a sore loser. I want my meal.”

CP3: “Haha. Yo, I’m out. I’m putting up a Fathead of Lebron on my wall.”

Dwight: “Str8. Peace, homie!”

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