Friday, July 2, 2010

Convo Between Dwight, CP3, World Wide Wes, and Charles Barkley


Dwight: “What up, CP?”

CP3: “Dude, I gotta get up outta here.”

Dwight: “You too?”

CP3: “What you mean me too?”

Dwight: “I just got a call from Melo. He’s sick of the cold-ass Colorado weather.”

CP3: “Damn, I’m sick of all these hurricanes.”

Dwight: “Told Melo to either just take that extension or demand a trade to Orlando. We’ll give ‘em Pietrus and Jameer. Ride it out with JJ Reddick and JWil until your contract’s up. Then you, me, Melo, Rashard, and VC all on one team. That’s sicker than the thought of ‘Bron, Bosh, n Wade.”

CP3: “Damn dude, I need to get traded.”

Dwight: “Just step up and demand it then, son!”

CP3: “That ain’t right though.”

Dwight: “You’re straight dawg. What have they given you? Peja, Posey and David West? That’s almost as bad as Kwame Brown. You gotta pull a Kobe here.”

CP3: “I guess. Just don’t wanna hurt my rep.”

Dwight: “Man, hold up. Lemme 3-way someone in.”

CP3: “Ni$%a who!?”

Dwight: “World Wide. He’ll tell you what to do…what up World Wide? What’s poppin?”

WWW: “Dwight, my man. I’m just chillin. Playin some XBox with AI right now.”

Dwight: “Shit! Ask The Answer if he wants to take CP3’s spot in New Orleans.”
WWW: “Allen, you wanna play next year? Make some cheddar?”

Allen Iverson: (In the background, rapping) “I’m still numba one, they kno I ain’t done. X Box, dress socks, I’ve only just begun.”

WWW: “Yeah, he’s in. So what’s the word with CP?”

Dwight: “He wants out of New Orleans.”

WWW: “Ayite. Where’s he tryin to go?”

Dwight: “CP, where you wanna go?”

CP3: “Anywhere dawg. Just get me outta here.”

Dwight: “Wes, he wants to play for Sacramento.”

CP3: “Yo man, what the fu#$? Wes, just ignore Dwight. What’s happenin’ with you?”

WWW: “Not much mayn. Just schoolin AI in PGA Golf Tour 2011.”

CP3: “Haha, nice.”

WWW: “So what’s the word, homie? Ya wanna go to Cleveland? Re-unite with Byron Scott and play with ‘Bron?”

CP3: “Man, that would be perfect…but wait, what was all this talk bout you sayin Bron, Bosh, n Wade are teamin up in Miami?”

WWW: “That fell through, yo.”

CP3: “What? Why?”

WWW: “Bosh is rollin outta control with his freakin tweets.”

CP3: “Haha.”

WWW: “He can’t keep shyt on the DL. Tickin me off.”

CP3: “You guys are boys though?”

WWW: “Me and Chris Bosh are not on speaking terms right now.”

CP3: “Ayite. Well then yeah, I’m game. Get me to Cleveland.”

WWW: “I’ll try to figure something out. I gotta make a call.”

(Hangs up. Back to Dwight and CP3.)

CP3: "Thanks for lookin out, Dwight!"

Dwight: “CP, you’ll be the best point guard in Cleveland history.”

CP3: “I already am. I wanna be the best point guard in NBA history.”

(Dwight and CP3 continue to chat. In the meantime…)

WWW: “Yo Chuck, what up?”

Chuck: “What’s up World Wide Wes. Just eatin some Taco Bell right now.”

WWW: “That’s nice. Listen. CP3 wants out of New Orleans.”

Chuck: “That ain’t news World Wide. I’ll give you news. You know these Lava nachos are overflowing with hot sauce.”

WWW: “He wants a trade to Cleveland.”

Chuck: “Whaat?” (Crunch crunch. Pauses 10 seconds to wipe his mouth.) “Whaat? That’s turrible!”

WWW: “It’s not terrible. It’s good for the NBA. Chuck, I need you to have your buddy from the Bellagio give me a call. The one whose homeboys with CP3’s agent.”

Chuck: “Which buddy?”

WWW: “The dude with the Jheri curl I met in that gray pinstripe suit. He had those Cubans we smoked together. Remember?”

Chuck: “Oh yeah, ayite, Wes. I’ll give him a call. Let me just kill this gordita.”

WWW: “Peace, later.”

Chuck: (Thinking to himself. CP3’s going to Cleveland? That means Lebron’s stayin in Cleveland. OH NO!!! I bet $400,000 that Lebron would go to the Clippers!)

(Back to Dwight and CP3…)

Dwight: “But you know if you go there, you gotta get ‘Bron’s chicken a$$ into the dunk contest.”

CP3: (Laughing out Loud.)

Dwight: “Throw him some lobs. See what he can do.”

CP3: “Everyone’s waitin’ for that match-up. Especially Larry Bird, he wants some more fries.”

Dwight: “Larry Bird owes me McDonald’s.”

CP3: “That commercial was bumpin…so you think World Wide can make this shyt happen?”

Dwight: “It’s World Wide. He runs the NBA like Snoop Dogg runs Girls Gone Wild.”

CP3: “Haha. Oh hold up. I’m getting a call from Chuck.”

Dwight: “Charles Shwab?”

CP3: “No, the other Chuck we know.”

Dwight: “Person?”

CP3: “No fool, the one you shoot commercials with…”

Dwight: “I am not on speaking terms with Charles Barkley right now.”

CP3: “Haha, what? Why?”

Dwight: “We were at the Rec last week. He bet me he would hit a trey before I did. He lost.”

CP3: “Hahah, nice. What was the bet?”

Dwight: “He owes me Taco Bell.”

CP3: (Laughing out Loud) "Everyone owes you food."

Dwight: “He refused to pay for my meal.”

CP3: “Haha, yo, lemme talk to him.” (Answers call waiting.) “Yo Chuck, what’s up?”

Charles Barkley: “CP, how you gonna go to Cleveland? That’s turrible!”

CP3: “It ain’t terrible, Chuck. I’mma win me a championship with ‘Bron.”

Charles Barkley: “You know I have money ridin’ on Bron goin to the Clippers, right?”

CP3: “Haha. Chuck, Baron Davis don’t got shit on me.”

Charles Barkley: “That’s turrible!”

CP3: “Yo Chuck, why you not payin up when you lose your bets?”

Charles Barkley: “What you mean? I do pay.”

CP3: “That’s not what Dwight says.”

Charles Barkley: “Oh that. He was taunting me after the shot. It was a lucky shot. You can’t taunt after winning a bet.”

CP3: (Laughing out Loud)

Charles Barkley: “That knucklehead. Is he mad?”

CP3: “Yeah, he’s upset. You should call him. He’s in your Fav 5 right?”

Charles Barkley: “My momma’s in my Fav 5. But she never picks up the phone. Momma, pick up the phone.”

CP3: “Haha. Who else is in your Fav 5, Chuck?”

Charles Barkley: “Craig Sager, Eddie Winslow, my taylor, and handicapper at the racetrack.”

CP3: “Haha, that is hilarious! Yo, you should definitely call Dwight. Squash this shyt.”

Charles Barkley: “I’ll think about it.”

CP3: “Haha, later.” (Hangs up. Back to line 1.) “Dwight, why you gotta taunt Chuck like that?”

Dwight: “Haha. That dipshyt. He’s a sore loser. I want my meal.”

CP3: “Haha. Yo, I’m out. I’m putting up a Fathead of Lebron on my wall.”

Dwight: “Str8. Peace, homie!”

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Dwyane Wade Chats with Lebron James


DWade: “Sup, ‘Bron?”

LBJ: “What up? What up?”

DWade: “U rollin thru this weekend, right?”

LBJ: “You know it. Is Chris rollin too?”

DWade: “For sho! We’ll hang at the beach, holler at some broads, PLAY SOME BALL!”

LBJ: “Haha, you know you’ll have to do your best to convince me into a Heat jersey homie!”

DWade: “Ni#$a, ain’t no convincing to do. We got a beach. We got babes. We got boats. And soon, we’ll have Bosh. What more can you possibly want?”

LBJ: “I wanna win.”

DWade: “And we will bro. 5 years together. A dynasty. 3 Gold Medal Olympians all on one team. No one can stop us then!”

LBJ: “That’s what peeps were sayin bout my Cavs last year. That no one can stop us.”

DWade: “Psssh, come on now. Be real. Shaq isn’t the same guy last year that he was with me in ’06. Mo ain’t the Scottie to your Michael either. Antawn’s pretty washed up now too.”

LBJ: “Yea, and f#$%in Delonte…”

DWade: “Dawg, forget that. Your real boys are here. We ALL wanna win. Together we can take the Lakers and everyone else.”

LBJ: “I ain’t even gotten out the East last couple years. I feel like TMac in May.”

“Haha. Yo, we’ll manhandle the East together. Don’t even sweat it!”

LBJ: “How about the Magic and Celtics, and dare I say, the Bulls?”

DWade: “Ni$% what? Wait. Are you thinking of going to Chicago? You’re not thinking of going to Chicago, are you? You can’t possibly be thinking of going to Chicago?”

LBJ: “Well, I’m gonna talk to ‘em. See what they got in store. I wanna hear their case.”

DWade: “Lebron, the Bulls won’t treat you right.”

LBJ: “I wanna win, D.”

DWade: “And you think you’ll win with Tom Thibodeau? That first timer hasn’t proven anything yet.”

LBJ: “I know he’s new, but –“

DWade: “All he does is watch film.”

LBJ: “Yeah, but his defense with the Celtics – “

DWade: “I bet he ain’t even get laid in a minute.”

LBJ: (Laughs)

DWade: “Bro, we got Pat Riley. Hall of Fame coach. You gotta surround yourself with winners in order to be a winner.”

LBJ: “The Bulls have a good team, D.”

DWade: “Yeah, and we were better still. Look at our record. And remember my running trey over them in OT a couple years ago? I know you remember it.”

LBJ: “Yeah, yeah. I just wanna hear what they have to say.”

DWade: “Of course, mayn. Listen to the Bulls. And the Knicks and the Nets and the Clippers. Listen to ‘em all. Fact remains you know how sick we’d be together. We’d be better than Magic and Kareem, Stockton and Malone, Jordan and Pippen. We’d be DWade and Lebron”

LBJ: “Lebron and DWade.”

DWade: “Haha. Ayite ayite. That works. But don’t forget: Lebron, Bosh and DWade.”

LBJ: “Chris ain’t made up his mind yet.”

DWade: “’Bron, trust me when I say, Chris Bosh is comin’ to South Beach. Ask him yourself.”

LBJ: “I will…so you think we can really win together, huh?”

DWade: “That’s what I been tryin to tell you all along. We got the cheddar for all of us. And you know our endorsements will be insane.”

LBJ: “I definitely like cheddar.”

DWade: “I know this, playa!”

LBJ: “What about Chicago?”

DWade: “Let TMac go to Chicago.”

LBJ: “Well, how bout New York?”

DWade: “That’s JJ and Amare. Phoenix Suns Take 2. Whack!”

LBJ: “Hmmm. Ok. Straight. I’m comin, D. Don’t let me down. We gonna run the NBA like Kevin Johnson runs Sacramento.”

DWade: “Always. Always. See you soon.”

LBJ: “Peace.”

DWade: (Thinking too himself) “Damn, Lebron and Wade? That cat’s trippin’. He knows I run this town. Wade and Lebron. Wade and Lebron. Ain’t no doubt! Besides, I already got one ring on that fool. Fall 7 times, stand up 8. Kevin Johnson run Sacramento? Doesn’t that fool know I rule this world? All day, baby, all day.”

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dwyane Wade Chats with Chris Bosh


DWade: “What up, C?”

CBosh: “Not much D. Can’t wait to step up outta here, stinkin Canadia!”

DWade: “Well with the girlies here in South Beach, you can’t go wrong.”

CBosh: “Haha, yeah…”

DWade: “In fact, I used to kick it with Gabrielle Union.

CBosh: “She so fine.”

DWade: “Yea, and I know you’re all into acting and everything. Maybe I can have her set you up with a director.”

CBosh: “Word?”

DWade: “For sho, playa. Anything for my new teammate.”

CBosh: “Haha, bro, I haven’t committed to the Heat yet homie. How you gonna just up and decide things for me, dawg?”

DWade: “Bro, we won together at the Olympics, remember?”

CBosh: “Tru dat!”

DWade: “And I already have a ring. If you came here, I’d be on an even better team with you than I was with Shaq in 2006.”

CBosh: “No doubt!”

DWade: “After all, ‘Bron’s on his way here too. We got all the money in the world, cuz!”

CBosh: “Hahah, shyyyttt!”

DWade: “So what, are you in money?”

CBosh: “Well, most likely. I mean, Chicago, ya know ---“

DWade: “Man, f*#$ Chicago. They don’t take care bout their players. They’re whack as f#$%. You saw what happened with MJ n Scottie n Phil Jackson. Even their PA announcer got canned!”

CBosh: “Psshh, yea. I remember that. Pretty whack!”

DWade: “Now Rose, he’s straight. But seriously, are you really gonna play Jo every day in practice and let him post you up with his long-a#$ ponytail? That cat’s outta control!”

CBosh: (Laughing Out Loud)

DWade: “But if you’re really considering them, go for it. I’ll just get ‘Bron and Boozer up in this mug.”

CBosh: “Man, don’t even…”

“Or better yet, better yet, ‘Bron and Amare”

CBosh: “Homie, you know I’m better than freakin Amare! I'll take that fool to school and take his lunch money too! Come on, now. Why you trippin? You know I’m rollin in my 24’s to Miami. Just chill out.”

DWade: “Ayite, well Come On Down. The Price is Right, ni#$a!”


(Thinking too himself) “Damn, that was way too easy.”

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Shahrukh Khan: A True Legend

An actor is really made by his composure on and off the set.

Everyone will have differing opinions on SRK's 5 best movies, which is natural. If a story is closer to your heart, you will inherently like that acting performance better. Some people might have loved him in Baadshah, Don, and Koyla. That's fine. For me, these are the movies where I feel he has done his best acting job:

5) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - In this movie, his college charisma makes me want to be like him, his love for others makes me appreciate his heart, and his actions make me cry just about every time i watch.

4) Dil Se - It was so convincing that he was madly in love with a terrorist as opposed to a beautiful family girl.

3) Anjaam - Damn, don't mess with this villain, his obsession will lead him to do anything.

2) Mohobattein - Probably the single best Bollywood movie character ever to convey the power of love.

1) Pardes - In so many cases, this is how love really happens, through friendship and through trust; greatest dialogues, especially at the end of the movie. Just incredible, because he was really the underdog in the whole movie and it made you want to just cheer for him all the way along.

BUT...why do I love SRK so much? Not just his movies. I watch interviews he has on youtube, and he is really intelligent, knows so much about the world of cinema, and is a genuine family man. He works hard at his craft and harder at maintaining a good reputation. I love that he says he has worked so hard to be recognized that he appreciates that recognition when in public. That he wants to die as a celebrity, as an appreciated, respect, and in some ways, legendary, figure in the eyes of India. And I really love that he has a mad love affair with his wife Gauri, because she is absolutely gorgeous and he will really do everything to keep her feeling like the queen that she is.

Aamir Khan is a fantastic actor, I think even better than Shahrukh. But there are a lot of things in his personal life that are questionable. 2 marriages, alleged affairs, doesn't attend award shows, and says competition doesn't drive him when it's obvious that it does. Example, Salman has always had a killer body and SRK showed off his incredible physique in Om Shanti Om. Don't you think that was at least a little bit motivating for Aamir Khan to do a rip-off film that was rather bad, especially after the first half, in Ghajini, just to prove to the world that he can get ripped if he just puts his mind to it? He needs to stick to more intriguing movies like Taare Zameen Par, Rang De Basanti, 3 Idiots, and Dil Chahta Hai. Again, he is a phenomenal actor, but if I had a choice to meet someone, or mold myself after someone, the role model is Shahrukh.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I want Kobe in the last 4 minutes

A phrase coined by Jeff Van Gundy last year during the regular season...and it seems to stick. Kobe is the ultimate closer. He already has a handful of game winners this season, several at the buzzer. How can you not want him to take the last shot? I won't say Lebron, Melo, Wade, or Chris Paul can't close games, because they can. But Kobe truly reminds me of Michael.

Remember when MJ came back? His 4 game against the Atlanta Hawks, 5 seconds left, Bulls down one. MJ takes it from full court and hustles up the court, to pull up from the corner of the free thrown stripe and drill the J as time expired. The fist pump, the double pat on the floor, and he runs off the court. In his next game, he would score 55 at MSG and assist Bill Wennington the game winner as he was nearly triple-teamed.

Doesn't this remind you of Kobe's historic game winner over the Suns in Game 4 of the 2006 playoffs? And he has continued to shine, winning an Olympic Gold, winning an NBA MVP, winning an NBA championship, winning a Finals MVP, and clenching his teeth near the end of games to show his relentless passion to win games.

Idiot #1: Yeah, well Lebron is the greatest ever. I mean, look at his stats!

Response: I will not say he's the greatest ever. In fact, I will never say that, I am convinced. Not only because of his lack of sportsmanship against the Magic or his failure to step up and participate in the dunk contest, in fear that he might lose and there will be negative criticism about him, potentially costing him a couple million dollars in free agency this summer, but he really hasn't proven anything yet, anything at all. I will say that he probably has one of the greatest physiques ever to play basketball, which does help him rack in some pretty incredible statistics, but who cares about the first 44 minutes of the game? Fans of fantasy basketball are more concerned with stats. Fans of basketball are more concerned with wins. And that's what Kobe produces, especially in the playoffs. I'll even go so far as to say that if Lebron goes to New York next year, he will not be winning an NBA championship during his entire stint there. In all honesty, I think he might end up winning only one in his career, and that will be much later.

Idiot #2: Well, people say Carmelo Anthony is the best offensive player in the game. And he is pretty clutch too. Why wouldn't you want him to take the last shot?

Response: Well, Carmelo refers to Kobe as his big brother. And big brother he is. With 4 championship rings. Melo has a really disturbingly dominant offensive game. But he always goes left for some reason. I still give the edge to Kobe by a mile.

Idiot #3: Come on, are you really starting these Michael Jordan comparisons again? Michael was the greatest ever!

Response: I'm not denying he wasn't. I'm simply saying that Kobe does so much in his game, through his interviews, in his demeanour, from his stats, and through championships that he reminds me of the one and only, His Airness. The recent Olympic team wouldn't have been anything without Kobe, maybe another bronze or silver. Just the same way the Dream Team wouldn't have been anything without Michael. I believe in my heart that Kobe will win at least 6 NBA championship rings. And you all saw the All Star Game. When they announced Kobe, he got the most cheers of all, more than Dirk and more than Lebron. He is so loved (and yet so hated by others -- just the way MJ was so hated by Knicks, Jazz, and Reggie Miller fans).

What Kobe is doing this season alone is so breath-taking. How can you not admire his talent? I definitely want the ball in his hands when the game is on the line. At least if he misses, he'll still show good sportsmanship...